Wife to the Hospital

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband. Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer, at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?'' "I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open."

Wrong Finger

I saw my old girlfriend the other day and she had her wedding ring on the wrong finger.  When I pointed this out to her, she said, "I know, I married the wrong man!"

Bookworm

"For Heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?", Julie whined. "What?", Chris replied. "Look around!", Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!" "I'm sorry, honey," Chris said. "Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed. "Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."