Don't Be on This Flight
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"
Boy & Grandpa
A little boy comes running Into the room and says, "Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?" The Grandpa says, "I don't know, why?"
The little boy says, "Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland!"
Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though. The pastor says "I should go! everybody needs religion!" they agree and he jumps. Another guy says "I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke!" so he jumps. The old guy says to the hippie "I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump." But the hippie replies "Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!"
Truck Black Box
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states, the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!" Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96.4 percent of the final words were "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"
The Pepsi Plane Crash
There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle. A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew. They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew. They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief nods and simply says, "Yes...seen plane crash". When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!" The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!" Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi!" Finally, another rescuer had to ask, "Did you..you know...eat their...things?" The chief says, "NO, you idiot!... even cannibals know that...THINGS go better with Coke!"