Q: Why can't a woman ask her brother for help?
A: Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.
There's an incest competition in my town this weekend.
I'm going to enter my sister.
Two guys are talking in a bar. “I want to kill my wife,” says one. “Why not ask Arti, over there,” says the other man, pointing to a man at the fruit-machine. “Arti over there is a top hitman,” the friend goes on. So the man approaches Arti. “Are you Arti the hit-man?” asks the man. “Sure am,” replies Arti. “You couldn’t murder my wife for me, could you?” asks the man. “I can,” replies Arti, “And you know, I promised my Master, who taught me the noble art of assassination, that I would do my one hundredth kill for a fee of just one pound and give the client two further kills for free.” “Great,” says the man. Could you kill my wife, her sister and my mother-in-law?” “OK”, replies Arti. “Get them to go to Tesco’s tomorrow at 10:00 AM.” “Right,” says the man. The following day the man’s wife, her sister and his mother-in-law are tricked by the man to go to Tesco’s. In walks Arti and in no time at all he strangles the wife, her sister and mother-in-law. All the newspapers lead with the same headline the following day – Arti chokes three for a pound at Tesco’s.
Q: Why do black people hate country music?
A: Because when they hear the word 'hoedown' they think their sister got shot!
Sisters Growing Old
Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together. One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled. The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?" The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters, she shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure. Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."