Two Arab brothers move to the USA and make a bet as to which of them would be the most "americanized" in a year. They have a phone call to celebrate their one year anniversary. One brother comments, "I just picked up my kids from baseball practice and we're heading to McDonald's."
The other brother says, "fuck off, towelhead!"
A nine-year old boy goes into the grocery store, grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" "Nope," says the boy, "not for my mom." The cashier responds, "Well, then they must be for your sister then?" "Nope," says the boy, "not for my sister, neither." The cashier is now curious, "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?" The nine-year-old says, "They're for my little brother. They say on TV, if you wear one of these, you can swim and ride a bike, and my little brother can't do either of those things."
The Cost of a Rented Tux
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
Breaking the News
A guy is just getting back from a long business trip out of the country. He’d left his cat with his brother. As soon as he’s back at the airport, he calls his brother and asks about the cat. “The cat’s dead,” the brother says. The guy is devastated. “Hey, that cat meant a lot to me. Don’t you know any better than to break bad news like that? Jeez. You ought to say, ‘Well, the cat got out on the roof, and the fire department came. They put up the ladder, but the cat was afraid to let go. It was cold outside, and finally when they were able to get up there the cat had passed away from exposure.’ You know, break it gently.” “Man, I’m sorry,” the brother says. “I’ll do a better job next time.” “Okay. Anyway, what’s really important is family. How have you been all this time? How’s Mom?” “Well,” the brother says. “Mom got out on the roof..."
Q: Why do black people hate country music?
A: Because when they hear the word 'hoedown' they think their sister got shot!