Jokes about Families

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought seaweed was something fish smoked!

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow." Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

Two Arab brothers move to the USA and make a bet as to which of them would be the most "americanized" in a year. They have a phone call to celebrate their one year anniversary. One brother comments, "I just picked up my kids from baseball practice and we're heading to McDonald's."

The other brother says, "fuck off, towelhead!"

A little kid comes running into the backyard.

He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"

"Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."