Bill The Duck

A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick." The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill." The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms." The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?" The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"

Eminem's Divorce

• That comment about Elton being "twice the woman" she ever was.
• Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women.
• Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.
• Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he takes down his pants...
• Recently overtaken by a strange and unfamiliar compulsion to live past the age of 35.
• I mean come on, people... the dude lost to Steely Dan.
• Thanks to a recent surgery, her head's no longer implanted deep within her own rectum.
  
  And The Top Reason Eminem's Wife Filed For Divorce. . .
• Sick of dating a rich, famous, abusive bastard. Would like to try a poor, unknown abusive bastard for a change.

I Don't Mind Your Talking

I don't mind that you are talking, so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening!