A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood. His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then share with the class how they were successful. Little Mary led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events." "Very good, Sally," said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467" he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a chocolate chip cookie stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said, "This tastes like POOP!" Then I replied, "It is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?!!"
Three 3rd Graders: an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid, are on the playground at recess. The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says. "Okay." They all agree.
The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out, and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer. Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out. It is by far, not only the biggest, but the fattest.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test, and read out loud from a new book, and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called 'Let's see who has the largest weenie." "What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother. "Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies, and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm Black. Is that true?
"No, Leroy. It's because you're eighteen."
Capital of America
Two school kids are talking while having a lunch break.
Girl: What is the capital of America?
Boy: Washington D. C.
Girl: No! "A" is the capital of America. You already forgot our lesson: capitalize proper nouns!
Top 10 Advice from Kids
- Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer.
- Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Never try to baptize a cat.