U.S. State Jokes - New Jersey Jokes

Q: Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey, so what did Delaware?

A: I don't know, Alaska.

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!! So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did! So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the bricks pigs' house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down." So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up.
Out step three pigs named Louie, Vito, and Dominic. These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living heck out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in the wolf's mouth and fired. Then they got back into their limo and drove off. The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked. "Those were my cousins from North Jersey -- the Guinea Pigs."

Q: Why are New Yorkers so depressed?

A: Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

Q: Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?

A: Because New Jersey got first pick.

• It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
• It is considered an offense to check into a hotel under an assumed name.
• Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
• You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
• You may not run machinery on Sundays.
• You may not tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
• On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
• If a person is caught raking the beaches, picking up litter, hauling away trash, building a bench for the park, or many other kind things without a permit, he/she may be fined $150 for ''maintaining the national forest without a permit''.