A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood. His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
I Remember You
A guy is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He’s taken aback and can’t place her. “Do I know you?” he asks. “I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” she says. He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. “Wow,” he says. “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who tied me down on the pool table, and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering, while your friend sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy, that was insane.” “No,” she says. “I think I’m your son’s math teacher.”
Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.
A boy came into class late one day and his teacher asked him why he was late. The boy replied "Sorry sir, I was doing push-ups on Abbey Lane." The teacher excused him and he sat down.
Five minutes later, another boy came in and the teacher asked him why he was late. He replied, "Sorry I'm late, I was doing push-ups on Abbey Lane."
Another five minutes later, a girl walks into class, late. The teacher says "I suppose you were doing push-ups on Abbey Lane too." The girl replied, "No sir, I am Abbey Lane."
A kid was late for school one day. "I had to take the bull down to mate with the heifer," he explained to the teacher. "Couldn't your father have done that?" "Sure, but the bull would have done a better job."