Rocket Fuel

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world.", says Johnny. The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny and says, "Now you know that's not true son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true. But one drop of this on a cats ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

Chicken In The Library

Q: What did the chicken say when it got to the library?
A: "Book book book book book book book..."

Why Rednecks have low Stress

Rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they don't understand the seriousness of most medical terminology
Medical Term :  Redneck Definition
Artery : The study of paintings
Bacteria : Back door to cafeteria
Barium : What doctors do when patients die
Benign : What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section : A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan : Searching for Kitty
Cauterize : Made eye contact with her
Colic : A sheep dog
Coma : A punctuation mark
Dilate : To live long
Enema : Not a friend
Fester : Quicker than someone else
Fibula : A small lie
Impotent : Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain : Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff : A Doctor's cane
Morbid : A higher offer
Nitrates : Rates of Pay for Working at Night
Node : I knew it
Outpatient : A person who has fainted
Pelvis : Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative : A letter carrier
Recovery Room : Place to do upholstery
Rectum : Nearly killed him
Secretion : Hiding something
Seizure : Roman Emperor
Tablet : A small table
Terminal Illness : Getting sick at the airport
Tumor : One plus one more
Urine : Opposite of you're out