Movie Night

To my girlfriend who suffers from Colrophobia and asked me to choose a movie tonight
I'm sorry, I didn't mean IT.

Be There Soon

We took my new girlfriend's car to visit my mother.  We had a tire go flat and stopped to change it.  I called my mom, told her we would be late because my girlfriend had a puncture.  "Oh Ken," she sighed, "I thought you had a real one this time."

Very Bad Private Eye

The Top Signs That You've Hired A Bad Private Eye

• Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries" actually helpful research.
• He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts as his trusty assistant.
• His best disguise is wearing a hat.
• Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
• Won't read any messages without his trusty decoder ring.
• Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from "Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he's caught the suspect.
• Well, he's blind.