When I was a little boy I felt bad that my Grandmother lived alone and had no one to spend her time with. One day when I was visiting her I asked, "Grandma, why don't you have a boyfriend?" to which she replied, "Well I don't need one honey, because the TV is my boyfriend. You see, she continued, when I want company he's there for me, or when I need to laugh, or learn about the world, I have him, and when I just want to hear his voice as I fall asleep, he's there for me then too, its all I need. The TV is the best boyfriend I could ask for." Suddenly the TV went static and I saw the look of concern on her face, she got up from her bed and started banging on the side of it, in effort to get the picture to come back. Just then the doorbell rang, it was her parish priest coming to check on her. He asked me "Is your Grandmother available son?" I said to him, "You'll have to give her a minute, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend"
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow." Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"
Life After Death
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir," the new recruit replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
Can You Hear Me Now?
Q: What do you call it when you have your Grandma on speed dial?
Grandpa and Billy were working out in the garden, Grandpa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground. "You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man. Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch. After a few sprays, the worm was as stiff as a board and Billy was able to slide him back into the earth. "Billy! You're a genius," exclaimed Grandpa. He hugged Billy, gave him a dollar out of his pocket, grabbed the starch, and ran inside. Thirty minutes later, Grandpa comes back out smiling. He gives Billy another dollar. "Grandpa," said the boy, "You already gave me a dollar." "No," replied Grandpa, "That dollar's from grandma!"