We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Irish Sunday School Teacher

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" "NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the grass, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again, the answer was "NO!"

"If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?" Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

A little boy shouted out, "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD."

Irishman Suicide

Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by  swallowing 100 pain killers?

A: After two he began to feel better.

Irish Wedding vs. Irish Wake

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

A: One less drunk Irishman.

Irish Tradition

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Stroh’s, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. It was the same with the Molson's and the Labatt's.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink I was so fookin' shit-faced I could hardly push the stroller back home!

Scientific Findings

Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50 meters and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100 meters. From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide optical fiber network.

Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200 meters but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago were an even more advanced civilization, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place.