Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelry to the city and sell it," was the response. "What have you got for collateral?", asked the Banker, curiously. "I have a horse.", said the old man. "How old is it?", said the banker. "Don't know, has no teeth.", replied the old man.
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put in teepee.", replied the old man. "Why don't you deposit it in my bank," the banker asked. "Don't know deposit.", responded the old Native American. The banker replied, "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"
Help Me Win the Lotto
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please God... let me win the Lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. And again she prays... "God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."
Q: What do you call the top wealthiest people in Mexico?
A: The Juan percent.
Double Wide Salad
Q: What is a double-wide salad?
A: It's for people who can't afford a house salad.
Q: What do you say when you see your television floating at night?
A: "Drop it nigga."