Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting anyone as there cashier. After being turned down for every job he filed for, he accepts this low paying job. One day, a woman comes to the stand, "Hey, sonny, how much do those cigarettes cost?" "I don't know", replies the stupid cashier. The woman leaves unsatisfied. The boss, having seen this goes up to him and screams "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW, THEY COST 10 CENTS, GOD!!!!!!" "10 cents? I will have to remember that" said the cashier. The next day, another woman comes "hey sonny, how much do those cigarettes cost?" "10 cents ma'am" "Really? Are they fresh?" "I don't know...?" So the woman leaves. The boss, having spied this, screams "WELL OF COURSE THEY ARE FRESH YOU NINCOMPOOP, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY ARE SOUR OR SOMETHING?" So the cashier memorizes "Yes, very fresh" The next day, another woman comes and says "Hello dear, now much do those cigarettes cost?" "10 cents" He replies. "Are they fresh?" "Very fresh" "Should I buy them?" "I don't know" So the woman leaves. The boss having seen this goes to scream at him again "YOU MORON, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THAT, YOU HAVE TO SAY 'If you don't, somebody else will' OK?" "Okay, gotcha boss" So the next day, the little shop gets robbed by a guy with a gun. He goes up to the cash register and screams "HEY, how much money is in that cash register?" "10 cents sir" "WHAT? ARE YOU BEING FRESH TO ME?" "Yes, very fresh sir" "SHOULD I SHOOT YOU?" "If you don't, somebody else will."
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest: "Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you say a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog`s death, but, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there`s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "$500? - Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"
The Capitalist and Socialist Hell
A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?" "They boil you in oil, whip you, and then put you on the rack," the guard replied. "And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?" "The same exact thing," the guard answered. "Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?" "Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips, and racks!"
Q: Where do frogs keep their money?
A: In a river bank!
A black woman went down to the welfare office to receive financial aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" She told him ten."What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"