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The best jokes and joke writers!

Businessman Is Dying

A businessman on his death bed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?" The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything."

Surgeon and Plumber

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at a neurosurgeon's house. After a 2-minute job, he demanded $75. "I don't charge this amount even though I'm a surgeon." "You're right -- that's why I switched from surgery to plumbing!"

Paying Bills

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Leprechaun Lender

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?

A: Because they're always a little short.

Shark Week - Lender

Q: To whom do fish go to borrow money?

A: The loan shark!