Q: How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A brazillian
Young Immigrant Couple
The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. "It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?" "Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top!"
Jump Off Genie
A Polish man, a German guy, and an American dude, climb a mountain because they each want to make a wish from the genie on the top. When they make it to the top, they find the lamp and all rub it. The genie appears and says, "For your wish to be granted, you must yell it out while you are jumping off of this mountain." So the German jumps off and yells, "I wish to be a fighter plane!" "So be it," the genie says, and the German becomes a plane. The American jumps off and yells, "I wish to be an eagle!" "So be it," the genie says, and the American becomes an eagle and flies away. The Polish man runs to the edge, accidentally trips on a rock, and yells, "I wish to b- oh S**t!"
A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette." The American frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game." The diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the American. "That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like Russian roulette." "Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."
You're in New York City
You Know You're in New York City When:
- Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons.
- You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour.
- A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals say, "Ack. More damned aliens."
- The aroma of smoked meat is able to counteract the smell of smog and pollution.
- The priest in the cadillac behind you gives you the finger for cutting him off.
- You pass a convenience store advertising "Free green cards, no questions asked."
- The gas station attendants actually speak English.
- The unearthly pounding of the cranked up bass in the El Camino next to you is drowned out by the cabshonking their horns.
- A person with rainbow striped hair can pass by without anyone staring.
- The bumper sticker on the senior citizen's car in front of you reads, "Warning: I break for pedestrians."