A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for my job. My boss was pissed-off and fires me. When I left the office and went to the parking lot, I found that my car had been stolen. The police said it happens all the time and it will probably not be recovered. I got a cab to return home and left my wallet and credit cards in it. The cab driver drove away before I got his cab number. I go inside my house and find gardener in bed with my wife. I walked to the drug store and then came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink the poison in my glass."

Cheeseburger

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says "Hey bartender give me a beer." The bartender says - "I'm sorry we don't serve food here."

Name Please

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in realizes it's a gay bar, but decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches he says to the guy, "What's the name of your penis?"
Guy:  Look, I'm not into any of that.  All I want is a drink.
Waiter:  I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.  Mine for instance is called 'Nike" for the slogan 'Just Do It'.  That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers' because 'It Really Satisfies'.
The guy looks dumbfounded, so the waiter says he'll give him a couple of minutes to think it over.  So the guy turns to the man on his left and asks, "Hey, bud, what's the name of your penis?"
Other customer:  Timex!
First guy:  Why Timex?
Other guy:  Because it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin!
A little shaken, he turns to the guy on his right.
First guy: What's the name of your penis?
Second guy:  Ford!  Because quality is job #1!  Have you driven a Ford lately?
Even more shaken, he thinks a little more and finally thinks of a name for his penis.
Guy:  Bartender!  The name of my penis is "Secret'!
Waiter:  (pouring beer)  Why 'Secret'?
Guy:  (proudly)  Because it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!