Marriage Advice

My marriage counselor said, "When your wife annoys you, go to your happy place." I replied, "That'll make things worse. She hates when I go to the bar."

Girls Night Out

Two wives go out for girls' night.  Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.  One used her panties, the other grabbed a wreath off of a grave.  The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! My wife came back with no panties." The other husband said, "you think that's bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack that read, 'from all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you'!"

Beer Hormones

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.