Alcohol Jokes

My Last Request

Once upon a time a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were captured by the Red Indians on a prospecting trip in North America. They'd been tied up against their respective totem poles for a day when the Chief walked up to the Englishman, pinched the skin of his upper arm and said, "Hmmm, heap good skin, nice and thick. Will make heap good canoe. You have a last request?" "That case of gin I had when your boys caught me. I'd like that," says the Englishman. He's provided with his gin and is taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Englishman drinks two bottles of gin. In the morning the Indians kill him, skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a couple of days when it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Scotsman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap good skin, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request? "Ah'll huv ma whisky back," says the Scotsman. He's provided with his whisky and taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Scotsman drinks three bottles of whisky. He's already dead when the Indians come to collect him the next morning. They skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a week before it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Irishman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap, heap, heap good skin, very, very, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap, heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request? "I'd like a fork." says the Irishman. The Chief gives him a funny look but gives him the fork. The Irishman takes the fork, stabs himself repeatedly shouting, "Yer no makin' any bloody canoe outta me!" 

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Scottish Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Native American Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Gin Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Whiskey Jokes)
Anonymous

Bin Laden Cocktail

Q: Have you heard about the Osama Bin Laden celebratory cocktail?
A: It's two shots and a splash of water!

Categories: Terrorist Jokes (Osama Bin Laden Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes , Word Play Jokes , Riddles
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Genie and the Beer

Two old guys were fishing in a boat on Lake Michigan. A bottle comes floating by in the current. One codger scoops it up, sees a cork in the top, and yanks it out. A genie pops out in a puff of smoke and says, "You get one wish between the two of you-- make it a good one." The old man in the front of the boat yells back to his fishing buddy. "Lemme handle this-- I know just what to ask for!" He looks at the genie and says, "We want the whole lake to be turned into ice cold beer!"  The genie nods and says, "You got it, boys!" And instantaneously, the whole lake is beer! The old man in the back of the boat throws a life preserver, smacks his buddy up-side the head, and yells out, "You idiot! Why the heck did you do that?" "Whadaya talking about?"  the other fisherman answers. "I thought you'd like a lake-full of beer. What's the problem?" "I do like it... but the problem is... now we gotta piss in the boat!!!!"

Categories: Sports Jokes (Fishing Jokes) , Alcohol Jokes (Beer Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous