Abe Lincoln

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?" "Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep. "That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Obituary

Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him, "Miles, they had your name in the obits today." "What! In the obituary column? That's not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I'll sue 'em." "Tell me, Miles," his wife asked cautiously,  "wh...wh...where are you calling from?"

Bee Sting

A woman has just started to play golf when she gets stung on the arm by a bee. She rushes back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor. She asks, "Is anyone here a doctor." One guy, who was pretty drunk, stands up and says, "I'm a doctor, what can I help you with?" "I've been stung by a bee." "Oh really, where?" "Between the first and second hole" "Well, first of all, your stance is too wide..."