Buying The Farm...
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm, and he'd found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees. He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it. Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk. An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung. The city fella looked up and weakly said, "No... the bees never touched me - but doesn't that calf have a mother!?!"
Knock Knock - Ants
Ants in your pants!
Q: What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter Bunny?
A: Bugs Bunny.
One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment. She pulled off one of it's legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command. Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty. Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't. "I have made a new discovery!" the blonde cried. "When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!"
Ants and Math
Q: What kind of ant is good at math?
A: An accountant!