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The best jokes and joke writers!

Seattle Divorce

If a man and a woman get married in California and move to Seattle, Washington are they still brother and sister?

A Newsom Promise

Worried about getting recalled, Gavin Newsom tries to improve his image by visiting a remote northern Indian reservation.

With his paid-for news crews following him around as they tour the place, he asks the chief if there was anything they need.

"Well," says the chief, "We have three very important needs.  

First, we have a medical clinic but no doctor to man it."

Newsom whips out his phone, dials a number, talks to somebody for two minutes, and then hangs up. "I've pulled some strings. Your doctor will arrive in a few days with enough Covid vaccine for all of your people.

Now, what was the second problem?"

"We have no way to get clean water. The local mining operation has poisoned the water our people have been drinking for thousands of years.  We've been trucking bottled water in, and it's terribly expensive." 

Once again, the Newsom dials a number, yells into the phone for a few minutes, and then hangs up. "The mine has been shut down, and the owners will pay for a purification plant for your people. 

Now, what was that third problem?"

The chief looks at him and says, "We have no cellphone reception up here!"

Bosnian Footballer

Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for '96. The only Thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn't find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. First, he threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window over 200 yards away --ka-boom! Next, he threw another hand grenade into a group of about 10 soldiers a good 110 yards away--ka-blooey! Then, a car passes going 90 miles an hour-- bulls-eye! Another grenade right into the barely open window. "I've got to get this guy," Al says to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So he brings him to the states and teaches him the great game of football. Predictably, the young man breaks all NFL records for completed passes, accuracy and touchdowns. The Raiders go on to handily win the Super Bowl. The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of Super Bowl XXXI, and When Al asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother. Al arranges for the call and hands the phone to his young quarterback: "Mom," the young man says into the receiver, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You're no longer my son." "I don't think you understand, mother" the young man pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm in the middle of thousands of adoring fans." "No, let me tell you," the mother implores. "At this very moment, there are gun shots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their life last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight...." The old lady pauses, in tears..."...I'll never forgive you for moving us to Oakland!"

New LA Airport

Q: If they build a new airport in LA, what will they call the old one?

A: EX-LAX

California Delivery

Did you know California supplies 2/3 of the nations fruits and nuts?

And a lot of produce too.