Two Math Professors Are Sitting In A Pub. "Isn't it disgusting," the first one complains, "How little the general public knows about mathematics? "Well," his colleague replies, "You're perhaps a bit too pessimistic." "I don't think so," the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom."
He goes off and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He calls over the pretty blonde waitress. "When my friend comes back, I'll wave you over to our table and I'll ask you a question. I would like you to answer, 'x to the third over three', can you do that?"
"Sure." The girl giggles and repeats several times. "x to the third over three, x to the third over three, x to the third over three..."
When the first professor comes back from the washroom, his colleague says, "I still think you're way too pessimistic. I'm sure the waitress knows a lot more about mathematics than you give her credit for."
He gets her attention and motions of her to come to their table. He then asks her, "Can you tell us what the integral of x squared is?" She replies: "x to the third over three."
The other professor's mouth drops wide open, and his colleague grins smugly when the waitress adds: "Plus C"
Science Definitions from Kids
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The purpose of the skeleton is that it is something to hitch meat to.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the Moon, because there is no water in the Moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joins this fight.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Equator: a managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Germinate: to become a naturalized German.
Liter: a nest of young puppies.
Magnet: something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
Planet: a body of earth surrounded by sky.
Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a head cold, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We share a common ancestor with monkeys and we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Q: What's another definition for the Powerball Lottery?
A: A tax on people who are bad at math.
New Chemical Warfare
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?" "Sure. That's easy," said one man."What is it?" "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." "Wait, what?" asked the instructor. "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.