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The best jokes and joke writers!

Alec

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Alec!

Alec who?

Alec-tricity. Isn't that a shock!

Knowledge Pills

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."

Nail In Experiment

During my freshman biology class at North High School in Springfield, Ohio, our teacher was lecturing on the conditions in which bacteria exist. Elaborating on the acidic environment where bacteria thrive, he suggested a simple experiment. "I want you to drop a nail into a glass of Coke or Pepsi, and then observe the acidic reaction on the nail," he said. The girl sitting next to me raised her hand and asked in all seriousness, "Do you mean a real nail, or a press-on?"

-- Contributed to "Tales Out of School" by Carolyn Stickney  

Armstrong Out

Buzz Aldrin commented on how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well" he said, "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it." "And he won?" I said. "Well, no" he mumbled. "The moon has low gravity so and the coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The twat."

Book Talk

Q: What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? 

A: I've already got a lot of problems, and I don't need any of your drama.