U.S. State Jokes - Arkansas Jokes
An Arkansas Divorce
The Arkansas lad was obviously deeply troubled. "Why so glum, Chum?", asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister?"
Q: How do you know when your staying in an Arkansas hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead!"
Arkansas Fertility Clinics
Q: Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?
A: Sooner or later, they find a potent cousin.
Arkansas Governor Application
Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________
Last name (if known):_______________________
Address (where you live): Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________
Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________
Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck:____________
Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies?__________
Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name:__________________
Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is your wife: 50 IQ Points( ) 75 IQ Points( ) 100 IQ Points( ) She Won't Tell Me( )Does your wife wear: A Dress( ) Pants( ) Hot Pants( ) Your Pants( ) Them Lawyer Clothes( ) Nothing( ) Nothing but an Arkansas U Hog Head Hat( )Color of wife's hair: Blonde( ) Red( ) Brown( ) Black( ) Bald( )Did you understand the previous questions: Yes( ) No( ) What does "previous" mean?( ) Huh?( ) All of the Above( )Have you ever had: Herpes( ) Jock Rot( ) The Drip( ) Roids( ) Zits( )(Check all that apply) Ear Wax( ) Long Nasal Hairs( ) Brown Nose( )Have you ever: Castrated a Pig( ) Been Castrated by a Pig( ) Danced to Achey Breaky Heart( ) Had an Achey Breaky Heart( ) Been Mistaken for Elvis( ) Had Fantasies about Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Dorothy and Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan and the Skipper Too( ) Inhaled( )
Where was your last Elvis sighting?________________
On what date?___________
Can you count past five: Yes( ) No( )
Past ten: Yes( ) No( )
Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be Governor of Arkansas:
Signature (or 'X' if you can't write)________________________________
I Love You in 9 Languages
HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:
English - I Love you
Spanish - Te Amo
French - Je T'aime
German - Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese - Ai Shite Imasu
Italian - Ti Amo
Chinese - Wo Ai Ni
Swedish - Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas, Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky - Nice Tits