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The best jokes and joke writers!

Split Personality

My half Irish, half French wife is an Offaly Nice girl.

Over Easy

My French girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to make me breakfast.

I said "No thanks, I've had an oeuf"

Menu Item Translations

The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants.

  • Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
  • Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong
  • Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo
  • French fried ships - Cairo
  • Garlic Coffee - Europe
  • Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe
  • Boiled Frogfish - Europe
  • Sweat from the trolley - Europe
  • Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
  • Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
  • Roasted duck let loose - Poland
  • Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland
  • Fried friendship - Nepal
  • Strawberry crap - Japan
  • Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam
  • Toes with butter and jam - Bali
  • French Creeps - L.A.
  • Fried fishermen - Japan
  • Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan
  • Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania
  • Product Names Clean Finger Nail - Chinese
  • Japanese mineral water Creap Creamy Powder - Japan
  • Coffee Creamer Swine - China
  • Chocolates Libido - China
  • Soda Pocari Sweat - Japan
  • Sport drink Shocking - Japan
  • Chewing gum Cat Wetty - Japan
  • Moistened hand towels Pipi - Yugoslavia
  • Orangeade Polio - Czechoslovakia
  • Laundry detergent Crundy - Japan
  • Gourmet candy Superglans - Netherlands
  • Car wax I'm Dripper - Japan
  • Instant coffee Zit - Greece
  • Soft drink Colon Plus - Spain

Ten Commandments

So an Archangel comes from heaven to give humanity these nifty new commandments from God.

First he goes to the French and says: "I have new Commandments from God, would you like to hear them?" "Ah, oui? What do zey say?" "For example: Thou shalt not commit adultery" "Oh, non, non, merci, non", and they send the Angel on his way.

The Angel then goes to the Germans: "I have new Commandments from God." "Ja? Vat do they say?" "Well for example: Thou shalt not kill" The Germans shake their heads, "I think's not, nein, danke!"

The Angel, perturbed, goes to the Jews and says: "I have new Commandments from God..." "How much?" "Well...they're free"

"We'll take ten."

Legion Camel #3

A new lieutenant in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him is quarters, he asks the corporal, "The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?" The corporal replies, "On Fridays, they let us use the camels." The lieutenant can't believe it. On Friday, he stands around the camel pen to see what happens. Suddenly, he hears the camp bugler blow a charge on his horn. The ensuing chaos was amazing... men from all over the camp descended on the camel pens like Huns attacking a village. Out of the swarm of men, the lieutenant sees the same corporal he met on his first day. He grabs the man by the arm. The corporal shouts, "Let me go! Let me go!" "Good God man," said the lieutenant. There are 200 men here and 500 camels. What's your hurry?" The corporal replied, "I don't want to get stuck with an ugly one!"