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The best jokes and joke writers!

State Puns

Q: Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey, so what did Delaware?

A: I don't know, Alaska.

Italian Conversation

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following, "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."  "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

Four Eyes

Q: What has 4 eyes and cannot see?

A: Mississippi.

Mississippi Jokes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Dumb Mississippi Laws:

  • Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.
  • Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
  • Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine. -Sec. 97-35-37
  • Columbus - The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.
  • Oxford - It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session.
  • One may not spit on the sidewalks on the square.
  • Motor vehicles on the square are prohibited.
  • Horn honking is not permitted as it might scare horses.
  • Tylertown - It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street. 

Taking Care of Business

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"