Genie Jokes

I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron." That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next. "Ribbit. Vegas." We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first. "Ribbit. Roulette." We went up to the roulette table, and I won big. I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel. I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it. "Ribbit. Kiss me." I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog. It turned into a 15-year-old girl. That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly.

This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the lamp home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish genie, he say's to the black man that he has two wishes. The black guy thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says:, "I want to be white and surrounded by cunt. "In an instant he is turned into a tampon. Now the morale of this story is: Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.

There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I am the thinnest person in the world", and poof!  The mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror, "I think I am the prettiest person in the world", and poof!  The mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think..." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.

A guy is walking along the beach and he stumbles on a Genie Bottle. He rubs it and out pop two Genies. He makes three wishes. When he gets home, he hears a knock on the door and outside there are 20 beautiful naked women. Walking back inside he sees a briefcase sitting on his coffee table. Opening it he see $20 million dollars. "Wow, my first two wishes have come true!" he yells. He gets ready to do his thing with the women when he hears another knock on the door. When he opens the door there are two Ku- Klux- Klan guys. First, they beat  him up, then they tar and feather him. Next, they take him out back and lynch him. When the KKK guys are sure he is dead, they take their hoods off to reveal the two Genies! The first Genie turns to the second and says, "You know, I can understand his first two wishes but why would he want to be hung like a black man?"

Hennessy wasn't a very good looking fellow to start with. Now his business had failed and his wife and family had left him. Depressed and distracted, he was standing near the edge of the bridge, contemplating suicide. Suddenly, he sensed that someone was behind him.  Turning around he saw an ugly little old leprechaun. "Don't jump," she said, "I'll grant you three wishes.".  "Right," he said

"My first wish is to have $100,000."  She said, "When you check your account, you will find that you are in credit to that amount."  He then said, "My second wish is to have my wife and children back." She replied, "They will be there when you get home." He then said, "My third wish is to be tall and handsome." She again replied, "When you look in the mirror, you will find that your wish has been granted."

But then the ugly little leprechaun added, "I want you to do something in return for me. I want you to kiss me."  He looked at her and shuddered at the thought. But under the circumstances he thought he should do as she wanted. He took her in his arms and kissed her again and again. She said, "What age are you?".  He replied, "I'm forty." She said, "Don't you think that you're a bit too old to be believing in leprechauns?"