Genie Jokes

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The genie said, "I can only grant you one wish. So ... what will it be?" The young woman pulled out a map of the middle east from her back pack. "See these countries, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine and Israel etc. Well I want them all to live in peace" she said. The Genie studied the map. "WTF lady, they've been fighting each other for hundreds of years, that's impossible, try another wish," the Genie grunted. Well said the young woman, "then I want a perfect man, one who is kind, compassionate, gentle who likes children and housework, loves to cook and will help clean the house even if the Super Bowl is on." The Genie stares at the young woman and finally says, "Show me that fucking map again."

Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface. After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, "OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I've been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys only get 1 wish and then I'm outta here. Make it a good one." The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, "Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!" "Fine," said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean to beer. "Great move, Einstein", said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the side of the head. "Now we're gonna have to piss in the boat."

So there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof appears the genie! The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted. Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted. Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes." So the white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."

This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the lamp home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish genie, he say's to the black man that he has two wishes. The black guy thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says:, "I want to be white and surrounded by cunt. "In an instant he is turned into a tampon. Now the morale of this story is: Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?" The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish." And I said, "No shit."