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The best jokes and joke writers!

Favorite Film

This math test can predict your favorite film (mine was Dead Pool 2)

Pick a number between 1 and 9.

Multiply by 3
Add 3 to that number
Multiply by 3 again
Add the two digits together

Now discover your favorite film!

  1. Solo: A Star Wars Story
  2. Dead Pool 2
  3. Captain America
  4. Black Panther
  5. The Martian
  6. Avengers: Infinity War
  7. Isle of Dogs
  8. Ready Player One
  9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Sheep
  10. Annihilation

Mary Had

Mary had a little sheep, with this sheep, she went to sleep. The sheep turned out to be a ram, and Mary had a little lamb.

Oh Baby!

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife. "That's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions, but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies. "You see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie. What else could I do?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats. "That's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

"Well yes," continues the girl. "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie. I really had no choice."

At this the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby, and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

WIth a sigh of relief, the mother says, "I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!"

Ladies Night Out

Three women went out drinking and decided to have a contest to see who could get the drunkest. The next day the women all got together.

The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."

The second woman said, "I blew chunks."

The third woman said, "I burned down my house."

After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won!" The second woman said, "Wait a minute, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."

Moose Hunting

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but if I were you, I'd brace myself!"