Religion Jokes

Hell's Temperatures

A real tough guy dies and goes to hell, well he tells Satan that it won't be all that bad, and thinks hells all a joke. So Satan tells the demons to turn the thermostat way up, and lock him up for three days. After three days Satan goes to check up on him, but he says, "I live in the Midwest and many summer weekends are hotter than this." So Satan tells the demons to turn the temperature all the way up, and to leave him in for six weeks. So after six weeks, Satan goes to check up on him, but he says "I grew up in the Midwest and I can remember dry spells that were hotter and longer than this." Well, this really gets to Satan, so he tells the demons to turn the temperature all the way down, and leave him in for six months. After six months, Satan goes to check up on him, and he is sitting there shivering, asking, "What happened? Did the Cubs win the pennant?"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Devil Jokes) , Sports Jokes (Baseball Jokes)
Anonymous

Lemon Pennance

A guy goes into the church confessional and says, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I slept with five different women last night.” The priest says, “Go home, squeeze five lemons into a glass, and drink it all as fast as you can.” “And I will be forgiven?” asks the man. “No,” the priest says, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Relationship Jokes (Dating Jokes) , Sex Jokes (One Night Stand Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes)
Anonymous

Heaven vs Hell

One night, God visits a preacher. The preacher has one question, "What is Heaven like?" God replies, "Heaven is like a city. It has the best of everything. For example, the French are the chefs, the Italians are the lovers, the English are the policeman, the Germans are the mechanics, and the Dutch are the politicians." "What is Hell like?" he asks. "Well," he sighs, "the French are the mechanics, the Italians are the politicians, the English are the chefs, the Germans are the policemen, and the Dutch are the lovers."

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes (Italian Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (American Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (German Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (French Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes)
Anonymous