Religion Jokes

Lemon Pennance

A guy goes into the church confessional and says, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I slept with five different women last night.” The priest says, “Go home, squeeze five lemons into a glass, and drink it all as fast as you can.” “And I will be forgiven?” asks the man. “No,” the priest says, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Relationship Jokes (Dating Jokes) , Sex Jokes (One Night Stand Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes)
Anonymous

Heaven vs Hell

One night, God visits a preacher. The preacher has one question, "What is Heaven like?" God replies, "Heaven is like a city. It has the best of everything. For example, the French are the chefs, the Italians are the lovers, the English are the policeman, the Germans are the mechanics, and the Dutch are the politicians." "What is Hell like?" he asks. "Well," he sighs, "the French are the mechanics, the Italians are the politicians, the English are the chefs, the Germans are the policemen, and the Dutch are the lovers."

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes (Italian Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (American Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (German Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (French Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes)
Anonymous

Answering Machine - Satanic Hotline

Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over. 

Categories: Telephone Jokes (Answering Machine Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Devil Jokes)
Anonymous