Jewish Santa

Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says, "Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"

Two Elves

Two elves walk into Santa's office. Santa looks up and says, "Gary, Larry, how can I help you?" Gary and Larry look at each other, then turn to Santa.
"Santa", Gary says, "Are there any elf nuns in the workshop?" Santa checks a list and says, "No, I'm sorry but there are no elf nuns in the workshop."
Gary asks, "Well Santa, are there any elf nuns working any where in our factory?" Santa checks a list then says, "I'm sorry, but there are no elf nuns working in the factory."
Gary looks at Larry and asks, "Santa, are there any elf nuns in the North Pole at all?" Santa looks at his list for a few minutes and says, "I'm sorry Gary, but there aren't any elf nuns in the North Pole."
Larry finally busts out laughing and says, "Gary fucked a penguin, Gary fucked a penguin! 

Warehouse Fire

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. "Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse". "Ssh!" hisses the other, "It's not till next week".