Religion Jokes - God Jokes

Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.  As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.  Please don't let me be late to church.  "As she was running she tripped and fell.  When she got back up she began praying again, "Please, God don't let me be late to church, but don't shove me either!"

On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"No, not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them!"

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle.

Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

Q: What did God say when he made the first black man?

A: "Damn, I burnt one."