Relationship Jokes - Marriage Jokes

Just One Big Wish.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three.  You only get one wish!" The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing,' know how to make them truly happy." The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Sexist Jokes (About Women)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Feminist Fairytale!

Feminist's Fairytale!! Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so."

Categories: Sexist Jokes (About Men) , Sexist Jokes (About Women) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Storm Damage

So last Saturday I'm at home watching TV when my phone rings. " Hello, who's this?" I answer. "Hi it's Margery, I'm your brother's next door neighbor. He's on vacation and asked me to keep an eye on his house and gave me your number as an emergency contact.  We've just had a terrible rain storm here and a large tree just fell on his roof.  It looks pretty bad and rain water is pouring into his house."
See my brother lives in New Jersey but was vacationing in Europe. So I said, "Well, I live 3 hours away but his daughter has a key and lives nearby. I'll call her and get her over there."
But here's the thing, his daughter works for a 1-900 phone sex company and I didn't have her mobile number so I had to call her at work!
So when I finally get her on the phone she says, "Hello big boy, what can I do for you tonight?" "Sorry Lucy, I'm definitely not looking for any phone sex, it's your uncle Lee. I've got some bad news, a tree fell on your dad's house and the rain is pouring in."
"Oh my god!' She said, "That's terrible, I'll drive over when my shift is finished."
I was relieved to have fixed the problem but I hadn't seen Lucy in a while so I asked her how she had been, that was a huge mistake! I forgot how much Lucy could talk, she talked non stop for two whole hours!
The next day I got an email alert from my cell phone company about that said I spent $95 with a 1-900 service.
Well I was furious, so that night I called Lucy again and explained what had happened. "Oh Lee that's terrible, I'll talk to my boss and get that charge reversed for you."
"Thanks Lucy that's great," I replied.
But trying to be polite I stupidly asked her, "So how did it go at your dads? How bad was it?"
I know, I'm stupid! This time she talked for 3 whole hours. And the next day I got another email alert from the cell phone company.  This time the bill was for $142.50.
So the next day I called her up again and... Ah fuck it, my wife didn't believe me either.

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes)
Anonymous