Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
Keep the Motor Running
It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"
The old couple were celebrating Valentine's day after 50 years of marriage. They were sitting at the breakfast table when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting at this same breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting there naked as a jaybird, too!" "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times." Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"
Man Opens Car Door for Wife
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is!