Doing Laundry

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."
"What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.
"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!"

The Boarder

An eighty-year-old man went to his doctor for a checkup. The man was getting married in a month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, but it didn't work.
"If you want your marriage to last," the doctor conceded, "I say you at least take in a boarder." The old man agreed.
The old man didn't see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later. The old man says, "Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant."
"That's good news," said the doctor. "I knew the boarder would help."
"Oh," said the old man with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant as well."

Married Life

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.