Never There

Why don't most women ever tell their husbands when they're really enjoying sex? Because their husbands are never there when it happens!

Who Needs A Husband?

Who needs a man...my dog growls at me every morning, my parrot swears all afternoon, my fireplace smokes a lot, my cat slinks home in the early morning hours, and I have a physician who looks me over regularly.

Drunk Husband

Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."