I Don't Mind Your Talking

I don't mind that you are talking, so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening!

Wrong Size

A woman that was on her death-bed turned to her husband telling him he should get married soon after she'll die, to which the man said-Okay. Then she told him that he may bring the new wife to her home, Okay said the man, and you may give her my silver-Okay said he, you will also give her my jewelry-Okay, said the man, and you will also give her my dresses, said the woman -"This will not be possible," answered the man - "you see, you are size 8 and she is size 10."

No More Tricks

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three days straight. The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said, "Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?" His bride replied, "You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!"