Toilet Paper Enhancement

A self-conscious wife asks her husband, "Honey, are my boobs too small?" "No, honey, they're fine, but if you want to make them bigger, why don't you rub toilet paper between them?" he suggests. For the next couple of weeks, the wife rubs toilet paper between her boobs several times a day, but sees no results. "Honey, where did you get the idea that this toilet paper thing would work?" "Well, you've been rubbing toilet paper on your ass all these years and that's getting bigger."

Man Scaring

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1. Get away or I'll call the police!
2. I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Vacation

"Just taken my wife to Maine"
"Bangor?"
"None of your fucking business"