My Grandad was wounded by a German during the war
Granny Schneider found him in bed with another woman and shot him
The Girl With Two Black Eyes?
Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.
Jumping the Gun
I went to a crematorium to plan my wife's funeral, but apparently she has to be dead first.
A Woman with Two Black Eyes
Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing! You already told her twice!
Women's T-Shirt Sayings
- I'm out of estrogen. I have a gun.
- Guys have feelings, too. But like... who cares?
- I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
- Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
- I hate everybody, and you're next.
- Please don't make me kill you.
- And your point is ...
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
- I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
- Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
- Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
- You KNOW you want me.
- Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time.
- Of course I don't look busy. . . I did it right the first time.
- Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
- I'm multitalented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time.
- Do NOT start with me. You won't win.
- You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
- All stressed out and no one to choke.
- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
- If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
- Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.
- Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
- Objects Under This Shirt ARE Larger Than They Appear.