Two Hours

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

The Government Cut-backs Hit Home

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Steve," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother being gone."

The Moment of Truth!

A man goes to visit the grave of his mother, puts a beautiful bouquet at the headstone and gets up, to leave when he notices another man crying his heart out, lying on one of the graves in such a way, that he breaks the other man's heart. The sobbing goes on and on and he hears the other say: Oh why? Why did you have to die!? Why did you go? And then he breaks down sobbing again, hitting his head over the headstone, still crying: Oh why did you die!? Why did you go so soon? Intringued, the other guy goes to him and says: "I'm so sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do for you? Who is the person you are crying over so desperately, he asks, in compassion?" "That's my wife's third husband, comes the reply, between sobs. I'm number four....."