The Dog or The Wife?

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

You Be the Judge!

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.  The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.  The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.  After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

The Stages of Marriage

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.