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The best jokes and joke writers!

Post Turtle

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle), a doctor and the old man were discussing the 2020 election.

The old man said, "Well, ya know, Sleepy Joe is a post turtle."

So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a "post turtle" was.  "When you're driving down a country road, and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle. You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb-ass would ever put him there."

White House Ghosts

Hillary Clinton is elected president, and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?" The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie." She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?" The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people." She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?" The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

Obama Rated 5th Best

OBAMA RATED 5th BEST PRESIDENT IN OUR HISTORY

From a total of 44 US Presidents: Obama is rated as the fifth best. The A&M's Public Relations Office released this statement "After almost six years in office, Americans have rated President Obama the fifth best President ever."

These are the details according to Texas A&M:

1. Reagan & Lincoln tied for first

2. Twenty three presidents tied for second

3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third

4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth

5. Obama came in fifth.

Ice Cream

A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson. This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace."  As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty, peace & justice for all. Amen!"

Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream!  Why -- I never!

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears & asked me, "Did I do it wrong Grandpa? Is God mad at me?After I assured him that he had done a terrific job & that God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my grandson & said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my grandson asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul."

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, & then he did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over & placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am, this is for you, you grouchy old bitch. You must be a Democrat, Shove it up your ass and cool off!"

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!

AOC Radio

Ocasio-Cortez purchased an AM radio so she could listen to political talk shows.

It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.