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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bill Clinton at his best

When "Air Force One" prepares to land, the captain speaks over the intercom: "The seatbelt sign is on Mr. President, would you please put the stewardess in the upright position."

Clinton Intern Guidance

Q:  What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?

A: "Don't hit your head on the desk."

New Parish

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington D.C. parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the White House. The conversation went like this: 

"Good morning, this is Barrack Obama. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?" Barrack , considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . . . 

Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye,' tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

AOC in Hell

After ruining NY by driving away 25,000 great paying jobs, AOC was booted out of Congress. Depressed and suicidal, she jumps off a bridge, dies and went to hell. When she got there, she saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, but there was no one in front of the Capitalist Hell.  So the AOC asked the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?"  "They boil you in oil, whip you, and then put you on the rack," the guard replied.  "And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?"  "The same exact thing," the guard answered. "Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?"  "Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips, and racks!"

Looking for Work

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work". 
The German doctor says: "that's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work". 
The Russian doctor says: "gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work". 
The United States doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Five years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart and no balls and made him President. Now, half the country is looking for work!"