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The best jokes and joke writers!

Robot Bar

Cecil goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender!  The robot says, "What will you have?" Cecil says, "Whiskey." The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" Cecil says," 168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.     
Cecil leaves, but he's curious, so he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" 
Cecil says, "Whiskey." Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?"Cecil says, "100."  The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

Cecil leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.   He goes back into the bar.   The robot says, "What will you have?" Cecil says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" Cecil says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, do you people really think we should have open boarders?

Top Ten Reasons To Vote Democrat

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want.  I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.
 
#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.
 
#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would. 
 
#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
 
#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
 
#5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.
 
#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.
 
#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.
 
#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
 
#1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America . We don't care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries.

AOC back to School

Embarrassed NY voters demanded that Ocasio-Cortez go back to school to fix her misguided statements about causality.  For example, getting rid of all matches will not improve long term climate issues. She was tasked by professors to study how frogs respond to commands. She tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. She writes in her log book, frog jumps 30 feet. Then she cuts off one leg. She gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet. She cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. She records it in log book. Then she cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. She writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet. Finally, she cuts off the last leg and commands the frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch. So the AOC writes in her book, "Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!" And she's still our congress woman. Lord help us.

Biden Future

Q: What’s the most progressive thing about Joe Biden?

A: His dementia.

Democrats versus Republicans

1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.

3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.

4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.

5. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.

6. Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.

7. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.

8. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.

9. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage. 

10. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.

11. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.

12. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.

13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.

14. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.

15. Republicans sleep in twin beds-- some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.