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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Conventioneer from Saskatchewan

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman. "Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?".  "Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian."  "Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"

Apple iWatch Pro

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his new iWatch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I work for Apple and I'm testing the new iWatch Pro." The intrigued woman says, "iWatch Pro? What's so special about it?" "It has new sensors and sends messages to me through my wrist" he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

Comeback Lines!

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Pick Up and Put Down!

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you!" The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!"

Pick-up Line - Birthday

I was telling a girl in the bar about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then, try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."