How Well Does Coldwater Clean?

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of the USA. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather... "are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied... "those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal." That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks... so he asked again... "are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says... "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore I'm getting tired of all this questioning!" Later that afternoon, he decided to go into a nearby town to get some descent food to eat. As he was leaving, his Grandfather's dog lay across the doorway to the outside and it started to growl and would not let him pass... "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, Grandfather shouted, "COLDWATER, GET OUT OF THE WAY." 

West Virginia Virgin

Q: How can you tell if a West Virginia girl is a virgin?
A: If she can run faster that her brothers.

Perspective on Sex

A mom of an eight year old boy is awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he runs in, he says he needs to talk to her about making babies. He claims he knows about the development of a fetus, but doesn't understand the answer to the million dollar question. Namely, how does the sperm get into the woman? The mom asks the boy what he thinks the answer is. The boy says that the sperm is manufactured in the man's stomach, rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth, where he then kisses the woman and deposits the sperm into her mouth. The mom tells her boy that it is a good guess, but it's wrong. She gives him a hint by telling him that the sperm comes out of the man's penis. Suddenly, the boy's face becomes quite red and he says, "You mean you put your mouth on that thing?"