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The best jokes and joke writers!

West Virginia Drinking Age

Q: Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32? 

A: It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Drivers Identity by Location

How to identify where a driver is from...

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York

One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator: California *with gun in lap: L.A.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy

One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas (city, male)

One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas (country male)

One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas (female)

Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado

One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate

Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia male.

Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is now wearing a barrel: Las Vegas

Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-um" .... also seen a lot in Parksville!!!

State Flower of West Virginia

Q: What's the state flower of West Virginia?

A: A satellite dish.

HillBilly Memories

There was a NY reporter stuck in a small West Virginia mountain town. He decided to use the time by getting a good story to submit to his boss. He saw an old man sitting outside a local store and went over to begin the interview. "Sir, I'm writing a story about people in this area and would like to include an interesting story from you. Is there any particular story that you would like to share?" The old hillbilly smiled to himself as he thought back on a time. "Well, thar was the time I lost my sheep. We gathered up a bunch of the boys, got some moonshine in us and went off after it. When we found the sheep, we all took turns screwing it....my, that was fun!" The reporter couldn't write a story about that so he asked for another. "Well, when my neighbor's wife got lost, we all gathered up and got drunk and went out to look for her. We had a good time taking turns with her when we found her, too. Damn that was a lot of fun!" The reporter was frustrated. "Sir, I can't submit a story like that. Maybe you oughta tell me about a not so fun time you had." "Well," the hillbilly said as he fidgited in his chair, he looked up at the reporter with a pained expression, "thar was that time "I" got lost..."

West Virginia Motto

Q: What's West Virginia's new State motto?

A: One Big Happy Family