iSwat

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."
I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it…

Eating a Lot

When I was young, I used to eat a lot because my parents told me that fat kids are harder to kidnap.

Learning To Swim?

"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'