What Not To Say In The Workplace

• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Baby's First Words

A dad was teaching his baby how to talk...
Dad: Say Daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say Daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Fuck, just say Daddy!
Baby: Fuck, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I’m home!
Baby: Fuck!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a bitch.

Gynecological Exam

A young girl goes to the gynecologist and he examines her. He says, "You have acute vaginitis." She responds with a "Thank you!"