What If

My wife asked me if I'd ever thought about what my life would be like if we hadn't met.
I told her that I hadn't. Well, I don't want to depress myself.

Church Bulletin

I write the church bulletin each week. Last week on complete accident instead of putting in "Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting messages" I wrote: "This week Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting massages." Another time I was suppose to write "Forgiveness can send you to hell" and I accidentally wrote: "Forgiveness will send you to hell." Needless to say my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out now in church.

Signs and Notices 16

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• At a restaurant in New York: "Tip-ing is not a city in China."
• Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: "Snickers, 5 for $1.00. (limit 4)"
• On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: "Safety ladder, climb at own risk."
• Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA "Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!"
• Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: "Run like Anything!"
• Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) "Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends."
• Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: "Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye Care
• Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: "Nobody reads billboards.... But you just did :)"