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The best jokes and joke writers!

Cats' Magazine

Q: What magazine do cats like to read?

A: Good Mousekeeping.

Bank Robber

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Los Angeles Times, December 9: A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer. When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.

Credit Card Commercial That Never Was

Cover Charge: $15.00

Round of Drinks: $23.00

Table Dance: $30.00

Another Round of Drinks: $23.00

Couch Dance and Tips: $50.00

A Round of Shots: $34.00

Another Round of Drinks: $23.00

Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00

Private Dance and Hotel Room: $500.00

Sending her on her way without having to cuddle or listen to her, PRICELESS!

Pirate Interview

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg." "Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!" The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?" "I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!" Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?" "One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!" The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?" "Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"

Bumper Sticker Lines

  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  • Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
  • Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  • Adults are just kids who owe money.
  • Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  • You! Off my planet! 
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?