Bumper Sticker Lines
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
- Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Adults are just kids who owe money.
- Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- You! Off my planet!
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?
Bumper Stickers Seen
Bumper Stickers Seen
- You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
- I have the body of a god... Buddha.
- This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
- Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
- The face is familiar but i can't quite remember my name.
- Illiterate? Write for help.
- Honk if anything falls off.
- He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
- This isn't my idea of a good time.
- It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
- Uniquely maladjusted, but fun.
- This bumper sticker exploits illiterates.
- I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere.
- Oh, evolve!
- Gone crazy be back shortly.
- If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.
Cows Read in the Morning
Q: What do cows read in the morning?
A: The daily moos!
Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.
Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.
Fast learner: You will get no training from us.
Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.
Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.
Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.
Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.
Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.
Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.
Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.
Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.
Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.
Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.
Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.
Telling Some Stories
Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."