Jokes about Families - Mother Jokes

Your momma is so fat, she was swimming in the ocean and all the whales started singing, "we are family".

I was in the supermarket earlier when I saw a kid having a tantrum, laying on the floor kicking and screaming. I asked his mother "Have you slapped him?" She looked insulted and snapped "No I haven't!" "Well why the hell not?" I asked

A baby is born and after the initial examination, the doctor returns with some news. "Ma'am," says the doctor, " I'm sorry to tell you this but your son was born without any eyelids. But, it is an easy fix." He says, "After we've circumcised him, we can surgically recreate new eyelids with his foreskin."

"Oh dear" says the new mother "but won't that make him cock-eyed?" "Yes," replies the doctor, "but he'll have excellent foresight"

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mother's milk.

Little Johnny pipes up and says, "I know teacher!  Number One: It's fresh.  Number Two: It's nutritious.  Number Three: It's served at just the right temperature.  And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!"

One day a woman got on a bus and sat with her 4 year old daughter. The whole ride she said, "hold on Marge, hold on, you will make it through Marge, just a little further Marge, just a little further, hold on...." When she got off the another woman told her, "that so nice of you to comfort little Marge." The woman looked puzzled, "no, my daughter's name is Ann, I'm Marge"